Remembering My Dream

Last night I had a dream of a long haired blonde pup who I found abandoned. We felt an instant familiarity and I was contemplating taking her home. I felt she was a girl but she had some kind of a Ralph spirit to her. When I looked at her I thought I could see she was injured with bone exposed. Upon closer examination she was actually hollow. I decided against taking her so I placed her down and as she was sniffing a tree I ran away to my car and immediately felt as though I was abandoning her. As the car drove away I saw her look at me with sad eyes. As I became further she transformed into a resemblance of my daughters. Needless to say I woke up feeling sad. But in some strange way I also felt like I got a visit from you so happy too. My interpretation is you visited me in a different form, felt happiness for a brief moment only to realize we had to say good bye. I wrote this down knowing I will likely forget it otherwise.

Hello My Friend

Hello Ralph, It has been a while since I have written words to you but I speak them to you in my mind often. I find that during my monthly visitor when I am particularly sensitive I will miss you extra. The pain has changed as I can now see myself getting another furry baby some day in the future. Perhaps in 3 to 5 years when the girls are older I can see myself opening up my heart to another fur baby. They could never take your place as the love I have for you is the deepest I have ever known. I love you differently than any other relationship. This does not mean to say that I love my human family less but the type of love is different. It was just you and me for some time before my human family came along and for that I will never forget our bond. You have shown me true love and unconditional friendship. When I had to say goodbye I felt the deepest despair for which I thought I would not survive emotionally. But thankfully my family and time has helped me to continue. I am so grateful to have experienced our connection even though it ended in the deepest pain. Today I can say that I am doing well and I wanted you to know. Love always.

Missing You Extra Today

Today is a hard day. I just want to see you again, walk next to you, hug you and smell you. I wonder about you and if you exist somewhere like rainbow bridge. I wish so deeply to know that you're doing well and that you forgive me for letting you go. I feel so much guilt sometimes for not being able to spend as much as time as you your last few years with having my human babies. Your absence in this world stings more than I could have ever imagined. I wish I could visit with you just to be assured that you're doing well.

Snow White

The night of December 30th I had a dream about you, you were different than I had ever seen but I knew it was you. Your whole body was covered in fluffy snow white fur and some how I knew it was from your age. You were an old wise pup now and still by my side. You were healthy but old and so very cute. I was really happy when I woke up to have a dream about you. Another visit from your soul. I told this story to Blaine on our drive to a New Year's Eve party at the North Library near UTC. When I told him I could feel the tears swell up in my eyes. Even now writing this I have the same thing happening to me.

A few days ago Ariel asked us (and I'm pretty sure she asked because she heard me tell Blaine about my dream) where Ralph went to live. And I tried to say he had passed on, no longer in this world. But she was confused and said, "but where did he go I miss him. We said bye to him so I want to see him again." I can tell she is confused and it is hard for her to understand.