Today I Struggled

The nights are the hardest. Ever since Ralph has left my blood pressure has probably been terrible. I feel my heart beating in the opposite way of when I would feel it with him lying on my chest. I actually fear that my health is declining from my broken heart. My whole life when I've gone through periods of stress - falling asleep was the hardest thing. Then usually my body starts to fall apart because I become clumsier. Two weeks ago I fell down in my bathtub after bathing my daughters. I got a huge painful bruise down my leg.

I chose not to wear eye makeup for several weeks because I knew I would be shedding many tears. If anyone knows me they will know my love and interest in makeup. Lately that interest has been halted. Anyway, I stopped crying constantly so I thought it was safe to wear mascara again. Of course this is the day that I chat with my brother Chris on Whatapp and the sorrow comes flooding back to me.

I always knew our time was not going to last forever but I never realized no matter the length it would never be enough.

It's been 17 nights without your furry presence. I'm still looking for signs that you're around spiritually. I hope that you're having too much fun in doggy heaven to notice sad me. But please visit me some day in a dream. You're welcome any time. I hope a vivid enough memory lives somewhere in my brain to make that meeting possible.

Ralph chilling on my neck (year's past 2009)

Ralph laying on my favorite blanket (year's past 2008)

Ralph at the top of the stairs (year's past 2005)

 Ralph chilling on my bed (year's past 2004)

Stretching paw, on my favorites things.

"I wish somebody would have told me babe

Some day, these will be the good old days
All the love you won't forget
And all these reckless nights you won't regret
Someday soon, your whole life's gonna change
You'll miss the magic of these good old days"

lyrics from Macklemore and Kesha's Good Ole Days