Wish Upon A Dream

Last night I went through photos of Ralph as I have a scrapbook for him on facebook. Last night I feel like I was semi-awake and thinking of all those snapshots of our life together. It made me happy to see how vibrant he once was but again it made me miss him. I've been wishing for him to visit me in a dream but because I rarely dreamed of him when he was living I have worry and sadness that I won't dream of a meeting or living memory of him. That all I'll have are photographs. I am worried that my memories will fade and that thoughts of him won't be sharp enough to be reachable.

Losing Ralph has made me take a look at my other relationships. I've reflected upon the life Blaine and I made with Ralph. It was a beautiful experience. I only adopted Ralph 2 months before meeting Blaine and pretty much only a few months before Blaine became an integral part of our lives. I believe they two of them truly bonded when I had jury duty and Blaine came over to my house to take care of him during the day. I believe Blaine made me realize just what an amazing bond Ralph and I had. He pointed out how I was his person very early on in the relationship, and I started to notice that he really did treat me differently. Ralph used to like to sneak into the neighbor's yard where lived a Golden Retriever named Maddy. They used to bark at each other and one time she actually bit him on the side. He came running back to our yard straight past Blaine who had open arms ready to embrace him right into my arms. Ralph always knew about 5 minutes before I came home. Blaine said he would do his thing all day and then right before the garage door opened he would run downstairs and wait at the door for me. He was amazing that way.

My Dad is at the airport making his way back to Hong Kong, I picked him up August 3rd and he was here for his annual trip to see me. My mother has been here since May 23rd and she leaves basically August 22nd. Both parents were there for me when I've been dealing with the passing of Ralph. I always feel sad saying bye to them but this time I feel particularly sad because I feel older and that the time I get to see my loved ones is so limited. Cherish every moment and take the ones you love seriously.

Today I saw on facebook that a friend's dog Lucy passed away on August 11th 2018, her mother dated her from December 26th 2003 - August 11th 2018. My heart goes out to them because I know what a huge hole their loss leaves in our soul. The dates are so similar to my Ralph November 23rd 2003 - August 7th 2018. We celebrate Ralph's birthday on November 11th (2002) and Helen Woodward told us that date but I'm pretty sure they arbitrarily made up a date. But it is nice to have a place marker to celebrate his birthday.

This is the photo memory that popped up on Amazon Photo for August 17th 2011. My sweetheart, please come visit me in a dream. I wish to see you again.